In a currently chaotic world, anything that improves your mental health is worth doing. For me, that's recently become journaling. Growing up, I always used to keep a daily diary. As a child, I would write a few sentences each day before I went to sleep about my day. I'm so grateful to my younger self for doing that, as now I have amazing experiences that I can read about, and it helps to trigger my memory for things that I may have forgotten.

Recently, I've been journaling a lot more because I find it so therapeutic. It's always helpful for me to make a cuppa, sit down and spend 10 mins writing things down in a beautiful notebook with my coloured pens. Some people won't find this helpful at all, but some people will! Therefore, if you want to try journaling but don't know where to start, or you're just interested in how I journal, in this post I'll tell you what each of my notebooks is for and how I use it to improve my mental health.

General Diary

This is my super secret diary that I use to write all my thoughts down. This is the notebook that no-one knows exist, even the people I live with. I've chosen a beautiful notebook where the cover of it instantly gave me joy as soon as I saw it. I started writing in this specific diary in 2017 after finishing my others, and I use it to write down all of my thoughts. The good, the bad and the ugly. I don't enjoy telling people about my emotions or my problems as that's not how I am able to cope with them. Which is ironic, considering I'm a psychological practitioner who's job wouldn't exist if people didn't tell me their problems. But everyone's different, and I think that because I spend all day supporting people with their problems, I prefer to jot mine down in a diary and leave them at that. There's no specific schedule to writing in this diary; I write as and when I feel like it.

Happy Thoughts

Every Sunday evening, before I go to sleep, I always write down 5 happy thoughts from the previous week. It's simply a numbered list of 5 things that made me smile. This is a really quick and easy way to look back on previous weeks and it's a good summary. It also helps you to find positive things in a week that perhaps wasn't too good. Different to the general diary, this book has NO negativity at all. My Happy Thoughts journal is purely 5 positive things from each week, encouraging you to find the small little things that bring you joy. I started this in 2019 and have written in it every Sunday since, I'm onto my second notebook as I completed my first one!

Mental Health To-Do List

I have a weekly planner which is similar to a to-do list, but for my mental health. Don't get me wrong, I have my general to-do list which I keep at my work desk and see every day to complete my mundane tasks, but this to-do list is specifically for things I enjoy doing. It helps me to schedule in something every single day that makes me happy, even if it's only something small on busy days. This means that even in a bad day, I can schedule in 5 minutes to do something I enjoy.

Work Reflections

I have a work reflections notebook which I only just started recently in my new job. Because I meet so many new people every day and hear so many different life stories, I like to write and reflect on the experiences that have resonated with me or changed me in some way, or just the ones I would like to remember. Don't worry - everything written in here is COMPLETELY anonymised in case anyone accidentally reads this, no patient confidentiality will be breached here. Each patient I treat shapes me as a person, therefore I like to document the ones which helped me grow personally and professionally. It's also useful for me to bring this notebook to my clinical supervision in case I need a second opinion on an appropriate treatment pathway, or need a bit of support for particularly difficult cases.

It's super easy to start journaling. Get some coloured pens and nice notebook and you're good to go! And don't worry if you don't stick something out; there's been so many ways of journaling that haven't worked for me and I felt so guilty for not completing the notebook. If something doesn't work for you, then try something else. It's also completely normal to take breaks from this sometimes. There's been months in my diary where I haven't written at all, and then there's been times where I've written every day! The great thing about journaling is that it's completely up to you on how you'd like to do it. So take it easy, and do whatever is best for your mental health.

-bunnydiver.

Usually, I love the start of a new year. It's a fresh beginning, a chance to work on goals and reset your mind for the year ahead. I normally enter a brand new year feeling excited and motivated. However this year I've felt a little differently, and I don't think I need to explain to you as to why!

The start of the new decade last year was not as anyone expected. It was a very difficult year, but it was also a rewarding year in many aspects. I have made the decision to leave the events of 2020 behind me, but take forward the personal developments it gave me. I've learnt how much stronger my mental health is now than it used to be. A few years back, some events happened to me which weren't as distressing as the one's in 2020, yet I dealt with it a lot worse back then and crumbled under pressure. But in 2020, I came out the other side feeling like a better person. So 2020 wasn't all negative, I guess.

I'm going to be honest with you, I spent the first few days of 2021 feeling down. I felt like the end wasn't in sight and this year was bound to be a repeat of last year, which I'm not sure I would be able to go through again. However, I've woken up today with a more optimistic mindset. I've decided to start taking things day by day rather than looking at the year as a whole. I've started to notice the little things, like how my new house has a lovely garden where I can hear the birds in the morning, and how excited I am to finally have a cuppa with my mum again in the future. These tiny little elements of joy are enough to see me through the distressing events that 2021 will no doubt throw at us, but I'm feeling a lot more prepared now than I was a few days ago. There is also an element of hope for this year, especially now I have been offered the vaccine as I work for the NHS. 

The main thing that last year taught me was that it's okay to have a 'wobble'. It's okay to feel down when bad things happen to you. As long as, when you're ready, you pick yourself back up again and continue going forward as best you can. 

I'm excited to get back into my blogging hobby that I unfortunately left neglected as the years went by. I'm ready to dedicate my mind and time back into it again, and I'm sure that this will be a really healthy way for me to get through this difficult year. I love reading about other people's lives, whether that's the mundane things like how they've decorated their living room, or useful tips and advice on how to get through a hard time. I'm lucky to have my little corner of the internet on this blog, therefore I shouldn't let it go to waste.

I'll be back soon with another blog post, and I'm really looking forward to uploading regularly again! Look after yourself and others around you.

-bunndiver.

We are living in extremely strange times. The country has gone into lockdown (I'm from England), all bars, restaurants, gyms, cinemas, shopping centres and most shops are closed, and I'm not allowed to see my family. Strange, strange times.

The one thing that has been making this terrifying situation somewhat bearable, and which has been adding a sense of normality back into my life, is that I am still going to work.

Our government has told us to not travel to work unless we absolutely have to. Because there is no way that my job can be done from home and I work in a hospital, I am classed as a 'key worker'.

So what does being a key worker in a global pandemic mean for me? I know that my experience will be different to other key workers' experiences. And I think that a lot of the time, we forget that there are other key workers alongside the ones who work in hospitals and provide a duty of care to the public. We've got delivery drivers, bin men, factory workers, retail staff, teachers, technicians, builders, the list goes on and on and on (I've definitely forgotten some job roles, so if you're a key worker of any kind, then thank you). But here is what being a key worker means to me.

It means that my bus journeys are a lot quieter because the school kids don't get on it anymore. It also means that my bus journeys are a lot more lonely because my bus buddy has been redeployed to a different hospital and doesn't travel with me anymore. It means that my once relaxed hospital environment is now hectic and busy. It means that the staff don't want to stop in the hallway anymore to say hi and ask how you're doing because they're so rushed off their feet trying to look after their patients during a global pandemic. It means that my job role is entirely different now. It means that I get stressed more easily. It means that smiling at work takes more effort. It means that smiling at home takes more effort. It means that I lay all my problems on my partner, hoping he'll provide me with the support I so desperately need. It means that I've realised how the only person who can solve my problems is me. It means that even in my free time, the virus is still on my mind. It means that my favourite colleague has gone off sick, for fear of contracting the virus and passing it onto patients. It means that my makeup gets ruined through having to wear goggles and masks (but it also means that it doesn't bother me, as it's reducing the risk of the virus spreading). It means I've been sleeping badly. It means that the rainbows people have been putting on their windows and doors that I see on my daily commute make me smile more than anything. It means that I admire other key workers. It means that I am proud of myself. It means that I am contributing towards the day when we come out of lockdown and everyone is filled with immense happiness. It means that I get annoyed when people don't stay at home. But it means that despite all the stress, the tears, the anger, the anxiety, and the emotional-strain, there is hope that we are one step closer to getting through this. So I will continue to wake up at 5:30am every single day and go into work, not knowing what the day will bring but knowing that it is a day closer to the end of the global pandemic.

If you are staying at home and only leaving the house for essential trips, then thank you for keeping you and everyone else safe. This is a time to look out for each other. Imagine the day when this is all over. I have a feeling that it will be one of the best days of my life.

-bunnydiver.

Everyone's lifestyle is different. That's what makes us so interesting. That's why I love asking people about their day, or why I love people-watching when I'm out in public, or why I love watching Instagram stories. Because, 99.9% of the time, each person's day will have been different to mine. 

Luckily, in my new job, I get to have my evenings off (which is something I never used to have the luxury of). I'm the least-motivated, least-bubbly, least-energetic person in the evenings. I thrive in the daytime, and retreat into hibernation in the nighttime. That's why I feel so fortunate to have my evenings off.

My evenings are super important to me. It's my time to wind-down, relax, and refresh myself for my next working day. My job is extremely demanding, stressful and mentally-draining**, which means it is mandatory that I come home and completely separate myself from my work-mode. When I'm home, I won't allow myself to even think about work because I need to conserve all my mental energy for the next day.

**I won't tell you exactly what I do but it involves providing emotional support to people whose health is deteriorating and, in some cases, who are almost at the end of their life. Bizarrely, I love my job.

So, how do I enter the zone of complete, ultimate relaxation? Here are a few things I do to chill out after work, but still get my sh!t done.

• Come home, throw coat and bag in hallway cupboard, do not look at work bag again until morning
• Put the kettle on
• Take off makeup while kettle is boiling
• Once boiled, make that much-needed cup of tea and grab some chocolate biscuits
• Sit on couch, grab my book, and read a chapter or two while drinking my cuppa
• Once cuppa is finished, pick out some cosy pyjamas
• Have a niiiiice, loooooong shower (or bath) while singing to my favourite Spotify playlists, and change into previously-mentioned cosy pyjamas
• Time to cook tea/time to force boyfriend to cook tea!
• Put Coronation Street on while tea is cooking (or if it's not a Corrie night, either watch YouTube videos or put on a different TV show, like Criminal Minds, Brooklyn 99, Friends, Gilmore Girls *if boyfriend isn't around*, etc.)
• Once finished eating tea and watching TV, wash the pots, pick out my outfit for work tomorrow, and make sure I've got everything I need
• Play with my hamster, put him in his playpen, and have snuggles
• Then feed him and watch him stuff his cheeks full with all his food
• Get in bed
• Play on phone for ages
• Eventually go to sleep

Wake up, go to work, come home and repeat!

This is a typical evening for me after work. I hope this was interesting for you, I'd love to know how you spend your evenings/free time after work too! Do you do anything similar to me? Or anything completely different? Let me know!

-bunnydiver.

I'm having one of those days today. You know, the ones that just suck. There's nothing I can really do about it, other than try to put myself in a more positive mood. Luckily, I have a fortunate enough life that there are multiple things which can do this for me. I could play Pokemon, watch Netflix, catch up on Corrie, make a hot chocolate, read a book, go for a walk, etc etc etc. But today, I decided to do one thing which I haven't done in months: whip out my laptop and write a blog post.

I used to love blogging. I would love making a cuppa and writing down my thoughts and feelings onto a blank page online. Add a pretty image and, boom, you've got yourself a blog post. Blogging would always put me in a good mood, so it was such a shame when I had to take a *well-needed* break from it. Life gets in the way sometimes, but that doesn't mean things have to be put on hold forever.

My life, as it stands, is an extremely enjoyable one, which is never taken for granted. In my daily job, I encounter people's lives who are much less fortunate than mine and who experience an overwhelming amount of negativity on a daily basis. This really puts into perspective for me how lucky I actually am, and how to manage negativity should it ever make its way into my life. I am  naturally a positive person, however I still get those days where the only necessary reaction to life events seems to be to go in a strop or a mood with everyone and take some time out. This is my time out. Sitting in my flat on my own (excluding my hamster who is snoozing in the other room), eating Maryland cookies and writing a blog post on my blog. I feel better already.

So I thought I'd just get my words out there because they're no use being boggled up inside my mind. I feel refreshed now, and ready to crack on with the day. Yes, my worries and concerns that provided me with a bad day are still in my mind, but they're not at the forefront of it anymore, and that makes all the difference.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I'll be back soon with another post on something more entertaining (unless reading about someone complaining is entertaining for you; in which case, you're welcome).

-bunnydiver.

*also the book in the image is a poetry collection by my beautiful friend Bethany Arrowsmith-Cooper, titled "The Soul Garden", grab your copy here: The Soul Garden)

I'm not sure what that bright yellow ball in the sky is, but it's warm and I LOVE IT. 

Summer in England is pretty naff to be honest. It's usually cloudy, breezy, cold or raining. However, recently the sun has made more of an appearance and it's definitely made me re-think my wardrobe choices. Therefore, today I'm showing you my entire crop-top collection, as this is what I typically tend to wear throughout summer!

My crop-top collection is HUGE so I'll leave you with the pictures of them now with a brief caption underneath of where I got them from. Enjoy!

Left: Topshop | Right: New Look

Left: Primark | Right: Hollister

Left: H&M | Right: Influence

Left: Primark | Right: Hollister

Left: Primark | Right: Miss Selfridge

Left: H&M | Right: Topshop

I hope you enjoyed this blog post and found some outfits you liked. Let me know in the comments what you tend to wear during summer, I'd love some fashion inspo :)

-bunnydiver.

 

As we're more than halfway through the year, I've decided to reflect on how my life has changed DRASTICALLY since 2019 began. This has been the most topsy-turvy year I've ever had. For someone with Asperger's who relies on sticking to the same routine daily and struggles to cope with change, it's an understatement to say my mental well-being has been all over the place this year. But I'm finally at a point where I feel settled again. And settling into change is the best feeling ever (other than having your third hot chocolate of the day, which I'm currently on).

So today I'm changing yet again another part of my life in 2019. I am going to be posting regularly on my blog again (WTF). My blog was a huge part of my teenagehood ~if that's even a word~ and it helped me get my emotions out without annoying everyone in my personal life. As corny as it sounds, I want to start posting my thoughts on my tiny space on the internet again. 

I'm coming back to my blog, after a long break, as a changed person. My personality has changed so much this year. My hair has changed. My makeup style has changed. My living circumstances have changed. I've got a new job and a new placement and a new course at university. My relationship status has changed. 

Although change is scary (take it from someone who has multiple breakdowns and 'freak-outs' whenever a small change happens in my life), it can be great to develop your personality. And I definitely needed a developed personality. 

I'm hoping to add more of my personal thoughts to my blog. I want to talk about the changes in my life and invite you to do the same. I'm going to post whatever I feel like on my blog. Whether that's about makeup, travelling, books, Netflix, music, mental breakdowns, working, stressing over my dissertation, Love Island or how to make the best hot chocolate. This blog is going to be completely random but extremely personal.

Now I'll leave you with a picture of a dog wearing a bandana. See ya next time.

-bunnydiver.